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Why will India never win the football Worldcup?

July 11, 2010

I have been an ignorant person most of my life. It was only about 2 days back that I got acquainted to the advent of social interactive sites like Twitter, Facebook et al. The fact that I didn’t know Englees till then can also be a possible explanation for my late arrival. But I am here and in the world-cup season too or at the end of it.

I began my online journey by following a few people on twitter. So after the finals which culminated with a victory for Spain courtesy Iniesta, I was excited. I wanted to tweet to the world what a beautiful game it was. How both sides battled it out really well and ultimately Spain’s quality and persistence on the ball got the better of the Dutch. (Of course Twitter allows only 140 characters per tweet. Therefore I wouldn’t have been able to say all this in a single tweet and it wouldn’t have made sense had I broken it down. So you could say that I was thinking of cool shorter methods to express my feelings.)

At the same moment, I was also sure that the whole world, which included the people I follow, will also be tweeting something along similar lines. I couldn’t have been wronger! (Except for now where I am wrongly using the word wronger. But I know it’s wrong which actually does nothing except probably reduce the irony of the situation.) Enough of me putting mokkais! Let them do the talking :

Sonam Kapoor : Spain won.. Woo hoo.. The hotties are gonna remove their jerseys now.. (her tweet read thus and since she is one of the hottest females in bollywood according to me, I might show partiality. Hope you understand..)

Imagine this scenario. It is a women’s football match and after the match is over, Amitabh Bachchan (to whom we will be getting to shortly), tweets Sonam’s above mentioned brilliant tweet. A huge hue and cry will be raised all across the nation won’t it? Women’s group activists slamming him in every street. Well so why are women allowed to drool over topless men? (This has got nothing to do with India and the worldcup. I was just ranting.)

the hottie is gonna remover her hoo!

From this, what we infer is, as long as Indian women are interested only in the looks of the players who play the sport than the sport itself, more men will be buying Emami fair and handsome rather than sweating it out in the field.

Amitabh Bachchan : T56 -Paulie Baba zindabad !! Didn’t kick a single ball and lifted WorldCup (his tweet read thus.)

So do you think Bachchan actually saw the match? Does he like football? What does he think of how boring the game was? Or was he trying to be funny? And a lot of other such questions can be answered from this single tweet of his. See his amazing brilliance. It’s what we call “jeans”, I mean, his father was a poet after all. So Bachchan learnt to succinctly present all his views at a very young itself.

T56 Terminator? You tell me!

Paulie Baba Zindababd he exclaims. Now I don’t know who Paulie is but Baba was a flop movie as far as I remember. So one of the most recognised faces in India tweeting about how an octopus’ prediction helped the octopus lift the cup has greatly increased the football fervor in our nation and as I type this at 3 45 in the morning, I see kids with footballs rushing and tackling each other outside my window. Hats off for spreading the word and increasing the interest in the game.

The above two mentioned were actors (the first one was a hot one at that). It does give them a right to tweet pointless things doesn’t it? Or tweet something stupid or superstitious. I mean, nobody cares. Not even me! I am writing all this because right now it strikes me as ridiculous. But later on, on giving the issue further thought, I will probably conclude that even if they had tweeted useful stuff, some football gyan or something completely essential, nobody is going to take them seriously (the down-side of being in the movies and not in politics). But this one is unforgivable. The most followed Indian on twitter. An intellectual should think twice before tweeting thus :

Sashi Tharoor : Hats off to Pablo the Octopus. No Indian astrologer has yet managed a 100% track record like him. Congrats2Spain. Trivandrum is celebrating! (his tweet read thus)

His next tweets were good useful stuff. I am not denying it. But what has pissed me off is Paul seems to garner more attention that Villa or Torres or Iniesta or Cassias. So with this superstitious attitude, may Paul save us all! (too lazy to add a pic of Mr Tharoor. Google it will ya. Sorry Mr T!)

You might want to ask me why I, Vadivelu, care so much! The funny (or is it funnier) thing is I don’t. It just amuses me to watch you pakkies and amuses me further to tell you this! Haiyo Haiyo!


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